Danny Becomes an Indian Guru

A long-forgotten guru spoof was a staple of Danny Kaye's stage shows in the 1950s and 1960s.

Danny Kaye’s career first took off when he started performing the specialty songs of wife-to-be Sylvia Fine, in particular the “character numbers,” in which Danny played and sang the history or philosophy of an exotic personality, such as French hat designer “Anatole of Paris,” suffering acting teacher “Stanislavsky,” or ballet legend “Pavolva.”

  

Performances of most of these numbers have been preserved, either in Danny’s movies, his TV specials or series, his radio series, or his records. A few, alas, never were and, of those, the one he performed most frequently was a spoof of an Indian meditation master, “Yogi.” The song was written for Kaye’s stage act in the 1950s by Herbert Baker (possibly assisted by Fine, since she often teamed with Baker).

Imagine Danny with a Middle Eastern accent, singing:

I--------------am Yogi

From Cooch-Behar

Sing song in nasal voice

Accompanied by nasal catarah

Nya-nya-nya all night and all day

Like a bleating lamb

People think I’m Robert Goulet

And sometimes I am

(Talking) Permit me to introduce myself.

My name is Ocleoole (gibberish).

I must modestly tell you, I am

Number One Television Star in India.

India birthplace of television.

We have original cast of “Untouchables.”

I must also modestly tell you that my show is most popular in India.

All Yogis wait for my show on pins and needles.

Name of show, “Rawhide.”

(Singing) Every morning as the sun rises

I give Yogi exercises

On the tee-vee in my bee-vee

Dees and does that follow

My recommendation swallow

My sponsor’s creation

Made especially for men and wives

Who plan to lead at least seven lives.

The only product of its ilk,

Re-incarnation milk.

(Talking) What do Yogis recommend for pain of

Neuralgia, neuritis, misery, colds,

Headache, and nagging neckache?

Nothing!

Pain is good for you! Pain is just

Nature’s way of saying… OUCH!

First principle of Yogi—

Assume Lotus position.

First principle of Lotus position—

Do not cross legs till you come to them.

Second principle of Yogi.

Most difficult exercise of all.

Breathing.

Are you breathing more and enjoying it less?

Third principle of Yogi.

Eliminate bad habit. Bad habit very bad for you if habit bad… (continues on with this nonsense as long as he can milk it).

(Singing) Anything that’s habit bad for you they say

Breathing is a habit

Stop it right away

(Talking) You will find, ladies and gentlemen,

When you stop breathing how very simple

It is to give up smoking.

Final principle, most important of all.

Contemplate.

(Singing) If you have a navel,

Sit and contemplate it.

I contemplate it, I hate it.

One day while contemplating navel

Happy as can be—

Suddenly I find my navel contemplating me

I----------am tired

Of being Yogi

Control, control,

I’m finished with control.

I sing, I’m gay,

I laugh all day.

I’m happy as a clam.

People think I’m Danny Kaye.

And sometimes I am.