Danny Becomes an Indian Guru

A long-forgotten guru spoof was a staple of Danny Kaye's stage shows in the 1950s and 1960s.

Danny Kaye’s career first took off when he started performing the specialty songs of wife-to-be Sylvia Fine, in particular the “character numbers,” in which Danny played and sang the history or philosophy of an exotic personality, such as French hat designer “Anatole of Paris,” suffering acting teacher “Stanislavsky,” or ballet legend “Pavolva.”

  

Performances of most of these numbers have been preserved, either in Danny’s movies, his TV specials or series, his radio series, or his records. A few, alas, never were and, of those, the one he performed most frequently was a spoof of an Indian meditation master, “Yogi.” The song was written for Kaye’s stage act in the 1950s by Herbert Baker (possibly assisted by Fine, since she often teamed with Baker).

Imagine Danny with a Middle Eastern accent, singing:

I--------------am Yogi

From Cooch-Behar

Sing song in nasal voice

Accompanied by nasal catarah

Nya-nya-nya all night and all day

Like a bleating lamb

People think I’m Robert Goulet

And sometimes I am

(Talking) Permit me to introduce myself.

My name is Ocleoole (gibberish).

I must modestly tell you, I am

Number One Television Star in India.

India birthplace of television.

We have original cast of “Untouchables.”

I must also modestly tell you that my show is most popular in India.

All Yogis wait for my show on pins and needles.

Name of show, “Rawhide.”

(Singing) Every morning as the sun rises

I give Yogi exercises

On the tee-vee in my bee-vee

Dees and does that follow

My recommendation swallow

My sponsor’s creation

Made especially for men and wives

Who plan to lead at least seven lives.

The only product of its ilk,

Re-incarnation milk.

(Talking) What do Yogis recommend for pain of

Neuralgia, neuritis, misery, colds,

Headache, and nagging neckache?

Nothing!

Pain is good for you! Pain is just

Nature’s way of saying… OUCH!

First principle of Yogi—

Assume Lotus position.

First principle of Lotus position—

Do not cross legs till you come to them.

Second principle of Yogi.

Most difficult exercise of all.

Breathing.

Are you breathing more and enjoying it less?

Third principle of Yogi.

Eliminate bad habit. Bad habit very bad for you if habit bad… (continues on with this nonsense as long as he can milk it).

(Singing) Anything that’s habit bad for you they say

Breathing is a habit

Stop it right away

(Talking) You will find, ladies and gentlemen,

When you stop breathing how very simple

It is to give up smoking.

Final principle, most important of all.

Contemplate.

(Singing) If you have a navel,

Sit and contemplate it.

I contemplate it, I hate it.

One day while contemplating navel

Happy as can be—

Suddenly I find my navel contemplating me

I----------am tired

Of being Yogi

Control, control,

I’m finished with control.

I sing, I’m gay,

I laugh all day.

I’m happy as a clam.

People think I’m Danny Kaye.

And sometimes I am.

Danny Kaye: The Saturday Morning Cartoon Series?

Kaye's work on Here Comes Peter Cottontail nearly led to his own animated TV series.

In the early 1970s, Danny almost hosted his own animated TV series. Almost.

A Saturday morning cartoon series focused on a classic movie comedian was nothing new. Hanna-Barbera produced a collection of Laurel and Hardy cartoons in 1966-1967, and an Abbott & Costello series in 1967-1968. In 1966, Filmation made an unsold pilot of a Marx Brothers cartoon series and a few years later produced Will the Real Jerry Lewis Please Sit Down.

By this time in his career, Kaye was amenable to the idea of appearing in cartoons, but not the slapdash, limited-animation of Filmation. He preferred the slightly more refined look of TV specials like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (Chuck Jones) and the stop-motion Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Rankin-Bass). Unable to get his own Dr. Seuss show sold in the 1960s, Kaye finally agreed to Rankin-Bass’s offer of $12,500 to host Here Comes Peter Cottontail.

They were so happy with the Easter special, they began pitching a weekly animated series, starring Danny as the narrator, Hans Christian Andersen. The first season was to feature the likes of Rip Van Winkle, Rumplestiltskin, Treasure Island, Raggedy Ann, Jack Frost, Heidi’s Christmas, A Hans Christian Andersen Christmas, Gilbert & Sullivan, Marco Polo, Punch and Judy, Puss ’n Boots, The Road to Oz, The Little Juggler, Johnny Appleseed, World of Toys, and Marco Polo.

ABC was in, at least for the pilot, but demanded it be something intrinisically Andersen. So The Emperor’s New Clothes became the subject of the first episode of The Enchanted World of Danny Kaye. Unfortunately, due to its cost and moderate reception, it would be the final episode, as well.

Sylvia Fine Kaye... Kaminsky

Danny wasn't the only Kaminsky in the family for his first three years of marriage.

When Sylvia Fine married Danny Kaye on January 3, 1940, she didn’t take the name “Kaye,” because legally his name was still David Daniel Kaminsky. So, she took the name Kaminsky—although, like Danny, she would never advertise it.

For three years, in fact, her legal name was Sylvia Kaminsky until, on January 22, 1943, Danny and Sylvia jointly submitted paperwork to change their names from Kaminsky to Kaye.

They were weeks away from heading for Hollywood, where his new life as movie star and international celebrity was about to begin.

Danny's Lost Film Perhaps His Greatest

Danny's one-man show was taped when he played the Greek Theatre in 1962.

As wonderful as Danny Kaye’s performances could be on film, television and records, few would argue that his genius shone most brightly on stage. He had a powerful way, like few others, of connecting with his audience so that thousands of guests would leave the theater convinced that Danny had spent an hour playing especially for them. They were convinced he shared a part of himself with them.

I saw him perform live but once—at his final show, comically conducting at the Hollywood Bowl in 1987. But it was his celebrated one-man show, developed in the 1940s, perfected in the 1950s, and performed to sold-out audiences until the end of the 1960s, in which he truly excelled.

Unfortunately, there are no recordings of these shows, apart from a handful of snippets, mostly silent, shot for British newsreels.

With some creativity, a good editor could cobble together a reasonable facsimile of the content of a typical show. He always performed several numbers he made famous on film, such as wife Sylvia Fine’s specialty numbers, like “Anatole of Paris” and “Pavlova,” and songs from Hans Christian Andersen. A considerable number of his stage bits made it the three television specials he made in 1960, 1961 and 1962, in most cases performed exactly as he would on stage (unlike in the movies, where the numbers had to be reworked to fit into the plot). And, his stage act’s trademark “sit down spot” became the regular, episode-ending feature of his weekly TV series.

Yet, there was one performance of Danny’s one-man show that was in fact recorded, in its entirety. It was in July 1962. Kaye was appearing at the Greek Theatre in Los Angeles. At the time, producer Jess Oppenheimer was gathering ideas for Kaye’s third TV special (which would be taped three months later). Oppenheimer was convinced that the best way to present Danny in his special would be to carry over the charm, magic and spontaneity that came across when he was on stage. So, Oppenheimer had his production company, O&O Productions, tape one of Danny’s shows at the Greek, so he and his writers could study it. During his run at the Greek, Danny performed an assortment of old favorites, a few new numbers he was breaking in, and, probably for the first time ever, his brand-new “Dodgers Song.”

After the special aired, Oppenheimer retained the tape, hoping to be reimbursed for the cost of producing it. This would lead to a back-and-forth between Oppenheimer and Dena Productions lawyer Simon Bricker. The Kayes, it turned out, weren’t nearly so upset about the money as they were that a tape of Danny on stage even existed. They demanded that the tape be erased. “Obviously we would not like to have a tape of Danny’s performance at the Greek Theatre floating around,” Bricker explained.

Presumably, as part of their deal, Oppenheimer erased the tape—and in doing so may have obliterated the greatest hour Danny Kaye ever recorded.

Danny's Monkey Tale

Danny Kaye tries to make nice with his simian co-star from Merry Andrew.

Although he was brilliant at playing off of children, Danny Kaye supposedly never worked well with animals, no matter how well he and his primate co-star seemed to click on screen in Merry Andrew (1958).

Consequently, a few years later, when his weekly variety series began, the writers were discouraged from including bits for animals on The Danny Kaye Show. Nonetheless, one crew member who owned a dog threw a party for co-workers and friends at his home. Dozens upon dozens upon dozens of guests arrived. The party went on for hours. Danny was the last one to show up. He stayed the shortest amount of time. Yet he was the one who got bit by the dog.

Inevitably, came an episode containing a sketch that featured a trained monkey. As the series' script secretary, Maggie Warren Scott, shared in her unpublished memoirs, When It Was Fun:

Danny loved George Bye, our prop man. He loved all the small potatoes, but hated the big brass. One week we were doing a spy sketch and it had been a very difficult week for poor old George. We taped on Saturday nights and Friday was camera blocking all day and music rehearsal in the evening. 

Henderson was the name given to this monkey that was in the spy sketch and his report day was on Friday. George was standing near his prop box in one of the corners of the stage, mumbling to himself, "That monkey comes in for two days and probably makes more money than I do and I've been here all week killing myself!" 

Danny overheard this and said, "Well, George, that monkey's smarter than you!" 

There was a lot of laughter from the crew. We started rehearsing the sketch. Henderson was a spy and he was in a cage dressed in a little skirt with a little hat on. The cage was like a big birdcage hanging on a pole with a curtain draped over it. Danny was supposed to go over to the cage, lift the curtain, and give Henderson a message, which Henderson was then supposed to relay to another spy. 

The next day, show day, the audience was in and we started the sketch. George was over by his prop box. In the middle of the sketch, Danny crossed over to Henderson's cage and lifted the curtain. Henderson turned, gave Danny a look, lifted his skirt, and with this big smile on his face, blew the loudest fart you ever heard right in Danny's face. 

 Way off in the corner you heard, "That monkey IS smarter than I am!" You could not control the crew; you could not control the audience. That one went down in history.

The Danny Kaye Show's Wish List

Jose Ferrer was one of the first guest stars targeted early on by the producer to appear on The Danny Kaye Show.

In the spring of 1963, when producer Perry Lafferty and his writers were trying to think up what a Danny Kaye variety show should be, they figured every episode should feature at least one high-profile guest star.

Laffery compiled a list of his top choices. “We are trying to secure the following people for guest appearances on the show,” the producer wrote in a May 27 memo to his staff. “Naturally, we won’t get them all, or even half of them, but, for various reasons which we have discused together, we feel that each one of them has something to offer us.”

The Stars Lafferty Got
Of the 24 stars the producer targeted early on, he was able to personally sign seven of them:

• Jose Ferrer (the actor who replaced Kaye on Broadway in Two by Two was an early yes, starring in show #2)

• Eileen Farrell (the soprano was a frequent soloist with the New York Philharmonic under the direction of Leonard Bernstein, and Danny wanted to perform an opera parody. She appeared on show #12.)

• Terry Thomas (gap-toothed English comedian, who appeared in show #18)

• Buddy Ebsen (his Beverly Hillbillies, just finishing its debut season, was the top-rated TV program for the year. But The Danny Kaye Show wanted him mostly because he could dance. He agreed to appear on show #24, but insisted he get to play his sitcom character, Jed Clampett. But Kaye’s writers thought that using the character would confine them to creating a standard sitcom sketch. Instead, they suggested casting him as Jed’s twin brother. Ebsen worked out so well, he came back for show #37 early in season two and show #69 early in season three, alongside his Davy Crockett co-star Fess Parker and Clint Eastwood.)

• Andy Griffith (although he initially declined, he did agree to a cameo in show #29 to support his Andy Griffith Show co-star Jim Nabors. He returned in a larger role in the fourth and final season, in show #96.)

• Dick Van Dyke—with or without Mary Tyler Moore (Moore clicked so well with Kaye in both sketches and musical numbers, that after appearing in show #6, she was asked back for shows #17, #30 and #41. And, she even consented to a cameo in show #16, starring Van Dyke.)


The Stars Lafferty’s Successors Got
Even after Lafferty left the show after the second season, his wish list remained and his successors were able to come though on a few:

• Caterina Valente (The Italian singer signed on for back-to-back shows early in the third season—#71 and #72—and again midway through the fourth—#103 and #104.)

• Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward (Newman declined, but Woodward finally appeared in show #90, late in the third season.)

• Peter Ustinov (The actor finally agreed to appear in show #109, midway through the final season.)


The Stars The Danny Kaye Show Never Got
And then there were the hopefuls on Lafferty’s wish list that never appeared on the show:

• Fred Astaire (Although Lafferty could never book Astaire, he did sign the next best thing—Gene Kelly—for show #5)

• Guilletta Messina (Italian actress, famed from La Strada)

• Melina Mecouri (Greek actress)

• Jose Greco (flamenco dancer)

• Peter Sellers

• Leonard Bernstein

• Lee Remick (Days of Wine and Roses)

• Vivian Leigh

• Laurence Olivier

• Debbie Reynolds

• Anne Bancroft

• Janet Leigh (whose musical Bye Bye Birdie had just premiered)

(Lafferty also wanted to book Ann-Margaret, but had discovered she was unavailable before putting together his list.)

Danny's Turn to Poke Fun at Fishel

After Phil “Fishel” Goldfarb profiled Danny in the White Roe program (see last week), Kaye insisted he be given the opportunity to write a fanciful bio for his buddy—getting payback for Fishel tweaking his love life and the size of his nose, while poking fun at his Yiddish and his novelty business.

Phil Goldfarb by Danny Kaye

Fishel Goldfarb was born in the little town of Minsk, right on the border of Galitzy, all in Merry Old England. This accounts for his Harvard accent. The event took place so long ago that he’s almost forgotten about it. It was, however, the first link in the chain of events which brought him to White Roe. Some people say that if he had not been born he never would have come here, but this is mere hearsay, and cannot be proven either way.

Overcoming all adolescent difficulties, our hero grew up to be a powerful, strapping man—all of 128 pounds. Realizing what he had to face in life, he put his nose to the grindstone. This accounts for the size of his nose now. You should have seen it before he put it to the grindstone! This wore him down to a drazzle, but he achieved a sharp edge and a keen brain. Boy, that’s cutting into it.

He went out into the cold, cold, world to decide on his chosen field, and what did he pick? Comebeck balls, wheestles, squawkiss, balloonis, all sorts of novelties. Fishel says the biggest novelty nowadays, is when he sells something.

Having established himself in this field, his doctor decided he needed a rest. It was a case of his working himself down to nervous breakout. So he decided to recuperate (among other things) at a summer resort. So he packed his satzel, and proceeded to White Roe. (Nothing like mentioning the place; it’s our paper, why shouldn’t we advertise in it?)

Meyer Weiner took one look at that Greeshun profile and said, “My boy, you are now our tsotsal director.” So Philip said, “Ho Kay Boss, provided everything you tell me is of-FICIAL.” This sounded very phoneteical—not phoney—phonetical to the ears of the Boss (lookit de kepital letter, Boss) so when he is summoned by the Boss he always calls O Fishel, and ever since that has been his name.

Fishel has been here seven years, they tell him, and has become quite a figure in this establishment. When he first came to White Roe he didn’t have a nickel. Now, through hard work, self sacrifice, thrift, and good judgment, he is the essence of pecuniary success. He now has  a nickel. All credit for this must go to Meyer Weiner. (I’m telling you, you can’t mention the place or the Boss too much.)

Most outstanding about Phil is his remarkable fast mind and nimble with, which is a hint not to become involved in any controversial matter with him. In odder woids, don’t swap de gags.

To proceed in a more seious vein and this is serious, Fishel is through with girls. He’s got himself a hoss. He loves dot noble beast, dot marwellos stelyun, dot fancy steed. His hoss to him is his life. Phil, we may add, is responsible for that touching phrase of affection.

With it all, Phil is a fine and conscientious worker, who has made a great many people permanently White Roe Conscious.

White Roe’s 1933 organizational chart: Owner Meyer Weiner (top left) oversaw art director Nat Lichtman, dramatic director Dick Diamond, dance director Dave Harvey, and social director Phil “Fishel” Goldfarb. Danny Kaye pictured at far right, on top.